The realisation that you don't want to go 'home' because home is a compromised life where you can't just totally switch off and not answer to anyone or anything. The strange concept where a noisy KFC is a refuge from everywhere you're known. A real urge to have your own home to literally do nothing for a month and not answer anyone.
Realising that you actually no longer have any goals in life; whats the point? The reminder via a conversation with someone to 'treat your body like a temple', yet not actually caring as it feels beyond repair and use to anyone (and it's definitely never been a temple or anything of beauty).
The inner conversation where you know you'll continue to be alone for the rest of your life as you just don't fit into the moulds that everyone else can function in, or the moulds where others love you. Suicide can feel so real and a simpler way of ending the complication of living.
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