Spiral

Stuck in a spiral, the world is going around
Like a fish in a double glazed fish bowl
Fragments of shattered glass. Trying to tiptoe over them without getting cut feet

Trapped

Feeling total exhaustion, needing to sleep for 16 hours or more. I need a break.

I feel trapped in being connected to negative people who pretend that they are telling the truth, but I know they're not as they've told me that they're not.

I need some space where I can rest totally, be by the sea and just do nothing. My physical body is exhausted. I just want out

Endurance

'Life is too short'
'You're only here once'
'Live like today is your last day'

Well, in reality, life is an endurance. Aged 40 plus and what have I achieved? Nothing. I don't feel capable of functioning any more and I just want to sleep and not wake up. Think I'm going to chuck out my belongings, what's the point of keeping them? No point. Just clutter for someone else to clear up.

No place to call home

A day where I just don't want to go back to the house. It's not my house. I just want to be able to get my dog, go for a walk in the rain and go to bed with no questions. There's a full on weekend ahead that I actually don't now want to be part of in any way. Sinking heart.

Stuck in an empty world

The realisation that you don't want to go 'home' because home is a compromised life where you can't just totally switch off and not answer to anyone or anything. The strange concept where a noisy KFC is a refuge from everywhere you're known. A real urge to have your own home to literally do nothing for a month and not answer anyone.

Realising that you actually no longer have any goals in life; whats the point? The reminder via a conversation with someone to 'treat your body like a temple', yet not actually caring as it feels beyond repair and use to anyone (and it's definitely never been a temple or anything of beauty).

The inner conversation where you know you'll continue to be alone for the rest of your life as you just don't fit into the moulds that everyone else can function in, or the moulds where others love you. Suicide can feel so real and a simpler way of ending the complication of living.

To stop in your tracks and really think about what you're doing with your life is a tough one. Where am I going, what am I doing, who am I?

My dreams have fallen onto empty ground, time has past by too late. I really don't fit in anywhere. People think I'm popular and happy go lucky. It's the opposite in real life. Very lonely, the person people tend not to remember or consider important.

My surroundings are chaotic and disorganised like my mind. I never finish off a job I've started. I don't have a place to call my own anymore, somewhere to put my mark on and put some roots down. I crave stability and support so very much, yet it is now further away than its ever been. I don't think I'll ever manage it and there's no one I can tell. The lows come more rapidly now and take longer to dissolve. I don't even feel like I'm treading water, just stuck in my ever decreasing circle of life whilst everyone else's carries on with drive, motivation and ambition. I haven't anything positive to offer. I never thought my world could get any smaller and still it does.